thoughts...

So, BarlowGirl is one of my favorite all time bands, and while I highly recommend all their albums, their newest one goes much deeper into issues at the heart of a Christian's life. Heart-breaking issues like, "Am I going to ever be the holy person God wants me to be when I run away from Him daily?" and "How do I react to abortion?" I want to share their song "Tears Fall" with you, because I think it's such a passionate prayer for the church to care for the hurt in the world around us. Social issues are not simply current events that we can ignore. Christians are called to care, and to act. Jesus cried over Jerusalem, healed crowds of sick people, and saved prostitutes from death and hurt. Not to mention, he set aside all of His own rights as God to serve us, live among us, suffer on our behalf, and ultimately save us from the worst fate any human could be destined to.

Amos 5:15
^"15 Hate evil, love good;
maintain justice in the courts.
Perhaps the LORD God Almighty will have mercy
on the remnant of Joseph. "

Hosea 12:6
"⁶ But you must return to your God;
maintain love and justice,
and wait for your God always."

Phillipians 2:1-8
" ¹ Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ² then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. ³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

⁵ In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

⁶ Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
⁷ rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
⁸ And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!"

Mark 10:42-45

"⁴² Jesus called them together and said, “You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. ⁴³ Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, ⁴⁴ and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. ⁴⁵ For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” "

"Tears Fall"

BarlowGirl

I have had the same dreams many times it haunts my mind
It starts with a light but it ends every time
Oh so many faces that this world will never see
A reason for your life but your heart will never beat

May our tears fall down
Let them soften this ground
May our hearts be found
God forgive us now

Oh what have we lost because we chose we'll never know
And loving you is better than feeling alone
And all our claims to freedom have become these heavy chains
And in the name of rights we keep filling nameless graves

Let the tears fall down
Let them soften this ground
Let our hearts be found
God forgive us now

New laptop, new post, very little new subject matter.

One day (maybe) I'll actually blog on a more frequent basis... I hope that one day isn't as elusive as the grotesquely fat man's diet.

Anyways, I finally have a new computer (thank you so much, Mom and Dad!) and so I thought a new blog post would be appropriate. As usual, I don't know what I want to write, but I love other people's blogs and am so fascinated with the idea of blogging that I press forward without subject matter.

Most of my thoughts are absorbed by my future career these days- as I'm taking 20 hrs of major courses, this is no surprise. What is a surprise is that it's the technical aspect of teaching that I'm falling in love with. My favorite class is my Methods and Curriculum class; it's all about how to write curriculum and deliver it properly. My second favorite is Educational Psychology (all about how research says we should teach). I actually read my notes from these two classes for fun- without the threat of a test in t-minus 24 hrs looming over my head, too. I find it fascinating to discover what makes great teachers- their habits, the way the organize, how they treat their students. One of these days I'm going to get organized so I can be a great teacher. I should probably make it a very eminent day so that I can be a good student in the meantime. Currently I'm a wee bit scared that 20 hrs is a bigger bite than I can chew. If anyone actually reads this, please pray for my stress levels, success, and non-school relationship not to suffer from my academic work load.

One thing non-school related that I'm SUPER pumped about right now is the worship dance group that I'm starting with some girls from my church. I miss dance so much, and the longer I don't dance, the more I miss it. It's like dance is embedded in my muscle fibers- as long as my legs have nerves and oxygen running through them I'm going to want to dance when I hear certain songs. Some songs don't affect me, but others- my brain choreographs, my thighs twitch, my toes keep time, my core tenses and pretends there's strong, reliable abs there to keep me balanced on impossibly small shoe tips. And my eyes tear up despite my best efforts because it's been three years since I gave in to those feelings almost daily. But now, God has blessed me and two sweet friends (one a treasured friend from past dance days, one a new acquaintance) with the chance to dance again, and give this passion to Him and others. Thank you, Jesus! We'll only be meeting bi-weekly to begin with, but that's probably all my out-of-shape body and busy schedule can handle anyways.

With that schedule in mind, I guess I'll quit rambling and go be a good student. I actually managed to forget that one of my classes existed (in my defense, it's a once-a-week night class, and the teacher's canceled 2x in a row), but I remembered about it today, and with that recollection came a mound of homework due next Monday. If readers for this blog exist, thank you for your interest, and hopefully for your prayers also.

Summer

So, once again, a huge time lapse has occurred between my posts. Also, I am writing rather than studying (I hate studying before cram-time). I ought to be studying to pass my lifeguard recertification test on Friday, but it's difficult to describe how boring my lifeguarding book is. Having been out of school for weeks and unaccustomed to mental work doesn't help matters.

On the upside, God has blessed me with a HUGE answer to prayers- my school may allow me to live off-campus next year, while keeping my scholarship. I've been praying for this to happen for about a month. My amazing roommate (who is a new Christian, praise Jesus!) is going to be living off-campus, and we are ecstatic about getting to live together for another year or two. She has been such a blessing to me, such a source of joy, laughter, and good company. We especially have fun laughing over and discovering our cultural differences, since she's Chinese. I honestly can't think of a day I haven't laughed since she and I started rooming together. Getting her for a roommate has been totally a God thing, and now He's provided for us to stay together. As I write this, I realize He has kept me from taking His blessings for granted- He is the source of all good things in our lives. I definitely don't thank Him enough.

For anyone reading this, please pray for me to pass this lifeguard test. It's really important, since my summer job requires my recertification. Also, please pray for this summer to be productive. I know so many who are going on mission trips, and though I won't be, I do hope to work with kids downtown for a few weeks. My RUF minister challenges us each summer not to waste the time by letting our guard down or getting too relaxed and lazy. I pray that this would be the goal for me and all my friends.

Study Break and Poetry... funny how often those coincide in my life.

So, I'm allowing myself to get off-task for a moment, and share some poetry I've written recently. I used to fill journals, notebooks, and the margins of textbooks with random lines of poetry, but it doesn't come as frequently anymore. It's been a joyful experience to have it return to me lately. These two poems were born out of my thoughts while writing in my prayer journal. They reflect some moments in the past few weeks where I've been very focused on and in awe of God, very worshipful. These weeks have been pretty difficult for me- lots of uncertainties, failed plans, and frustrations, not to mention homework. (Although that obviously doesn't have a great hold on my life, since I'm blowing it off to do this.) It's difficult for me to focus on God, and maintain fellowship with Him when life's hard and busy. However, He, because He's loving and good even though I don't understand or deserve it (in fact, I'm quite rotten) gets through to me, and helps me. I can't help but praise Him for it, and for being the amazingly good God He is.


Why Do You Love Me?

Oh, my sweet, sweet Lord,
There is nothing I have done
To deserve this abounding love,
Poured out for me.

Wretched sinner at my core,
Yet you saved me from myself.
It was your plan above,
Me to redeem.

Oh, why? I do not understand!
Oh, why, my God, would you love me?
Why do you lovingly stretch out your hand,
Your grace offered to me?

What humble joy does fill my soul!
That you give me this gift!
I weep, wondering at your love
That you desire me.

My heart is often dark and cold,
Yet you would have me live
And lift my eyes to you above,
You who redeem!

Oh, God, I pray not to forget
THis love you have revealed
The grace in which you'd have me live,
The joy you give to me.

What joy! This closeness to my God!
My soul within is thrilled
That you my blackest sin forgive
To love and befriend me!

Mercy

Mercy
The taste of it is pure and sweet,
A shower washing over every part of me,
Making new and beautiful this ugly, broken body.
I am poor,
And I have no means of buying earning, or deserving this,
Yet the priceless torrent is poured out free of cost
And drinking it, I am filled with riches not my own.
No amount of gratitude can ever repay this debt,
I am forever a beggar, dependent on your charity.
Yet, you treat me like you beloved daughter.
Oh, how can I explain, understand, or rightly appreciate,
This incredible love and mercy!

I've hijacked my roommate's computer for a few minutes...

Hello again.

So, I still feel like a bit of a novice at this blog thing (well I should, I've only done it, like, 4 times now), but I'm determined to keep at it. I enjoy it well enough, and I think it'll be useful to have a blog. Some kind of record of the randomness floating through my head, the randomness that is my life. Sometimes I feel like my life is defined by the word "unorganized". I know my dorm room certainly is.

This past week's been pretty good overall. God blessed my boyfriend and I incredibly by giving him a wonderful job here in town. He's working as a pharmacy technician, and getting the opportunity to interact with customers, which makes him happy. I seriously think one of his spiritual gifts is the ability to sincerely connect with and care for strangers. I've seen him share prayer requests with a Wal-mart cashier before. and now, he's making a good amount of home deliveries to older customers (often shut-ins or nearly so), and is able to converse with them and be a friendly, encouraging presence in their lives. I'm so thankful. Plus, his boss is a Christian, and keeps the pharmacy closed on Sundays! I can't get over what a blessing this all is. I really was sure he would be heading back to Texas. The pattern in my life for the past few years has been, that when I have my own plan, God says "no" and changes it. Ultimately, the change is always for the better, but nonetheless it's difficult. For a time, I had no heart to dream or plan about the future. But this time, God completely blew me away by giving us this gift, and saying "yes!" and the best part is, in addition to keeping Tyler here, God's also given me extra time during the day (while he's at work) to invest in friendships, school, and personal growth. God truly is so good!

(warning: very sudden topic change) This weekend, we had the first international girls' discussion group. It went really well. They liked the soup we made (score!) and all the girls who came said they had a good time. I hope they come back. My roommate, in particular, is gaining interest in Christianity. (thank you, Jesus!) I'm really excited about this group, and where our "spiritual discussions" will lead us.

This weekend, I'm going on choir tour with my college choir- and I'm so excited, I'm gonna get to dance at it! It's absolutely ... relieving, sweet, perfect, joyful, nerve-racking, fun... (you get the idea) to be given the opportunity to dance again. I just pray God gives me and Chelsea, my dance partner, worshipful, humble hearts, strong bodies, and a space to dance. As of right now, the size/existence of a stage is questionable. But I know God'll take care of it. He always does. As Mrs. Barker used to say, "Satan can do nothing but lay a stage on which God does a greater work."

And on that note, I need to leave and go to class.

2nd post in a week! I may be on a roll....

I really ought to be doing homework right now, but, ever the procrastinator, I decided to jack a computer and ramble nonsense to a blog instead. Even though I don't have anything brilliant to say, this is more fun than Statistics. I've always enjoyed writing. Words, their meaning, finding the perfect words- I love it. anyways....

Since last Sunday, my mind this week has been running on two different themes. The first is the fact that my boyfriend has to find a job in two weeks, or move back to his hometown 7 hrs away, where the job market's better. I'll admit, I'm a bit nervous about it. I really do trust God- He's gotten me through so much else before, I know He can handle this, and get me through it if Tyler does move- but that doesn't mean I'll like it any more if it happens. I'm just praying about it a lot.

The second thing is that I'm going to be co-leading a seeker small group for international girls soon. I'm really excited about it. I actually kinda got roped into it by a combination of God and the other leader, but God's really given me a joy in this project. I'm reading this book called "Seeker Small Group" (original, right?) to prepare, and I'm loving it. I can't wait to get started- the whole goal is to offer a safe place for non-Christians to explore their questions about Christianity and Spirituality, to give them a small community of friends where they can feel Christ's love through others, and be guided in their search toward Him. The more I read this book, the more I think it's an awesome idea, and I'm really looking forward to starting it. And I'm not even finished with the first chapter! If anyone actually reads this post, and you're a Christian, please consider buying this book- it will change your tactics about reaching your non-Christian friends.

That's really all that's worth writing about at the moment. I mean, I could write more, but I'd just be making up crap to fill space on this little corner of the web I call mine. And, as much of a clutter-bug as I am normally, the idea of writing crap just doesn't appeal. So, until the next time I jack a computer.... adios.

SO... My blogging attempt has thus far been more than shabby. I do have an excuse, though. My computer conveniently broke soon after my fall semester started. Fortunately, there are free computers and printing at the campus library. Unfortunately, the campus library is located at the opposite end of campus as my dorm, and neither Facebook nor Blogspot seem like good reasons for me to make that walk. However, I should be getting a computer again soon. Today a friend got me on blogspot randomly, and I thought, "hey, why don't you take the opportunity and write on your poor, sorry, abandoned little blog?" So, dear forgotten blog, you now have your second post.

I don't know how frequently I'll be updating this thing even after I get a computer again, but I'd like to give it a little more attention than it's had up to date. However, I am taking 18 hours this semester, and working two small jobs at the same time. Not to mention, fitting in God, church, family, and friends somewhere. Despite overwhelming prospects, I am looking forward to this semester. I think I'm going to enjoy all of my classes, and I'm really loving and cherishing the growing relationships in my life right now. They are definitely worth finding the time for.

And I also enjoy writing quite a bit- it's a wonderful release for me- so maybe this wimpy little blog will begin to grow with more increased regularity.